November 23: offers to play Fred Goodwin at Risk with Goodwin's pension as the stake. Loses.
December 1: shaves Alistair Darling's eyebrows off at Gordon's Krazy Kredit Krunch drinks party
December 7: will only travel around executive suite on Mr Hoppy the spacehopper
December 11: solves the Gogarburn rabbit infestation problem with a shotgun and a bad attitude
December 15: finds juju left buried under office by Goodwin. Leads voodoo ceremony to purge evil spirits
December 18: photocopies his arse during Christmas party and faxes it to the Treasury
December 22: demands to know where Goodwin kept the office bottle
January 5: presentation to city analysts about further capital raising ends with him screaming 'the power of Christ compels you!'
January 8: finds the Gogardungeon. Frees prisoners, one of whom claims to be a 'Fred Goodwin', a brilliant and humane financial mind, who had been imprisoned by his evil twin, Hans Goodwin in 2004
January 12: refuses to come out of his office until the government is paid off
January 15: attends Board meeting carrying a white cat. Says nothing throughout the whole meeting, but stokes the cat constantly
January 19: helps out at Gogarburn branch of Starbucks
January 22: sticks picture of Gordon Brown on the executive dartboard
January 28: savagely beats head of JP Morgan shouting 'securitise this motherfucker!'
February 2: asks to be Tom McKillop's friend on Facebook. Is refused.
February 7: wonders if pretending to be McHester would help
February 19: farts in a board meeting. Blames it on the finance director.
February 22: will only answer to the name 'Fred'
Feb 28: is disturbed after head of the investment banking division is bitten by a Translyvanian bat and now will only attend meetings during the hours of darkness
March 3: tries on a series of wigs
March 10: attends his one to one with the head of the investment bank armed with a revolver with silver bullets and a crucifix. Reports tell of the sound of the flapping of leathery wings and shooting.
March 11: hires new member of staff, Professor Van Helsing of the LSE
March 17: cleans up in scrabble with the word 'leverage'
March 25: takes entire board to see 'Watchmen.' Gets in huge argument with Risk Director about Rorsarch
March 30: sings Jacque Brel's Amsterdam to ABN AMRO executive team
April 1: attends anti capitalist G20 demo as an anarchist. Throws TV throw the window of RBS branch in Cornhill. Screams 'rock'n'roll!'
