Thursday 2 October 2008

Veep veep! says Noddy

Mr R. Timothy Jonez, of Little Daneland in the Marsh, Oxfordshire, asks:

"Are you going to cover the veep debate?  Will it be triumph for the common women who can see Russia from her house, or will Joe Biden rip of Neil Kinnock again?"

The short answer, is not really, because I'm going to the pub, but in the few moments I have before I go and talk to people face to face (shudder) here's my tuppence worth.

- Biden is on a very sticky wicket indeed.  If Palin even manages to speak in vaguely coherent sentences, it will be judged a great triumph by a fawning media and she'll be hailed as the next Lincoln.  Pray I'm wrong

- Secondly, her whole appeal is based on the media being full of elites who hate her not blinking and her guns / forcing teenagers into loveless marriages / death from above shtick.  So, if she does badly - that's the media's fault.  Real folks know that its east coast elites up to their usual tricks. (Incidentally, I wish America really did have a liberal media.  The world might be less fucked.  I also hate the way conservatives have the whole thing in their pocket and then still complain.  Bastards)

- Hardly anyone will base their vote on VP anyway.  When was the last time you voted in the UK based on the likely choice for Home Secretary?  And the Home Secretary has , y'know, powers and things.  He or she isn't a heartbeat away from being the most powerful creature on the Earth though, in fairness.

- If they do vote on veep choice, they'll only go to Palin.  There's not a soul alive who would vote for Biden but not Barack.

- Biden really, really knows his shit. But he's an old gasbag, so if he gasbags, Palin can play the 'ickle wickle girlie card and win.  

- An incompetent, mad, inarticulate women on the GOP ticket is not doing the the great Cause of Women in Rock, sorry, Government a great deal of good.  We're not in  a place where we can see this just as being about two people, so all its seen through the lens of her gender, which is very annoying, both because we're talking about her gender, not her insane policies, and secondly, that this is still an issue.  Fuck's sake, world, sort it out.

- This might be rope a dope. She might have only been pretending to be some one who didn't speak English and might become H L Mencken on stage, and skin ol' Gasbag Joe alive.  Unlikely, but hey.

- She has a special move of turning everything into folksy stories.  This plays well in small towns, but Vladimir "Stone Cold" Putin doesn't care about folksy stories.  She shoots moose? Putin shoots bears.  Incidentally, if she can see Russia, Russia can see into her.  I have a vision of Putin's great lidless eye, wreathed in flame, atop the Kremlin, his gaze fixed upon Wasilla, Alaska.  "I see you.  I see you."

- PLEASE PLEASE WIN, JOE.  Don't be an arse.

By the time anyone reads this its likely to be over.  She can't win?  Can she?  



1 comment:

Claes Mogren said...

Hehe... Wonderfully written! (Totally agree with you on all points.)